Funny sayings and quotes

Page 1 of 7 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Tue May 25, 2010 10:40 pm

Everyone post their random saying, quote, or weird question here!
I'll start:

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.


She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs.

Here's an example of a weird hypothetical question:

If Wal-Mart lowers its prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

All weird thoughts are welcome!!
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by riczhang on Wed May 26, 2010 12:23 am

Words to live by: In the end all that there is , is you.

____________________

President of the Academy of Visual Arts & Pictures and host of the first Profile Picture Awards.

Random Fact of the Month: The Last Olympian has an ISBN number of : 978-142310147-5

Random Fact Quote of the Month:"Heavens no," Amos said. "I hate gnomes, They smell horrible."

Riczhang's Random word of the month: Procure: to get possession of : obtain by particular care and effort
riczhang
riczhang
Staff
Staff

Imortal Parent : Zeus
Male Number of posts : 3996
Age : 23
Location : Blood Tower, Tower of London
Humor : Don't upset the All Seeing eye...
Reputation : 12
Registration date : 2009-04-16

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:18 pm

Come on! Nobody else has funny sayings??
PS I like yours riczhang.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by percabethsprincess on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:28 pm

sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down... Funny sayings and quotes 665297
percabethsprincess
percabethsprincess
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Aphrodite
Female Number of posts : 1144
Location : wishing i was at a juicy couture store
Humor : sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down...
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-06-08

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:30 pm

I actually lol'd at that one... laugh

One day I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger... and then it hit me
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by percabethsprincess on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:37 pm

smoothmoves97 wrote:I actually lol'd at that one... :laugh:

One day I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger... and then it hit me

thanks! yours is funny to! :)
percabethsprincess
percabethsprincess
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Aphrodite
Female Number of posts : 1144
Location : wishing i was at a juicy couture store
Humor : sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down...
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-06-08

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:41 pm

Come on people. I'm sure you all have funny sayings.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by percabethsprincess on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:43 pm

You think I'm screwed up? You should meet the rest of my family!

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!


When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous

Keep on talking and maybe one day you'll say something intelligent.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up

You and me is friends. You cry, I cry. You smile I smile. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I gonna miss talking to you...

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Love your enemies! It really makes them really mad!
percabethsprincess
percabethsprincess
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Aphrodite
Female Number of posts : 1144
Location : wishing i was at a juicy couture store
Humor : sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down...
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-06-08

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:47 pm

Say them here! That's why I made this topic after all.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by percabethsprincess on Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:53 pm

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!

You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope for the best!

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

When nothing goes right... go left.

You know you live in 2010 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. -not really a quote or a saying but i think its funny-


i am going to get capri sun water, more in a few minute Smile
percabethsprincess
percabethsprincess
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Aphrodite
Female Number of posts : 1144
Location : wishing i was at a juicy couture store
Humor : sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down...
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-06-08

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:14 pm

Funny!!!!

Top 10 spooky things: A horse's point of view
10) Blowing Paper
It could whip up into our faces and suffocate us. And don't say you'd do CPR.
9) Barking Dogs
Have you ever seen a canine's canines?
Cool Puddles of Water
Quicksand.
7) Trash Cans
They've been known to transport horses to other dimensions.
6) Babies and Toddlers
They pull my nostrils. What could be scarier!?
5) Plaid Horse Blankets
When was the last time you wore plaid? It adds 100 pounds.
4) Ropes and Hoses
Dreaded North American trail snakes.
3) Ponies
Cute, clever, hardy. They want to take over the world.
2) Wind
Two words: impending tornado.
1) Carts and wagons
They chase horses and eat them.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by percabethsprincess on Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:18 pm

WHY BE NORMAL WHEN YOU CAN RIDE A CAROUSAL?!"

There’s a fine line between love and hate. You’ve just got to figure out how, and when to cross it.

Sometimes the things we want most are unknown to us. Or we've simply lost the ability to think of them. So our own emotions have learned to sneak up on us, then appear to make an impact, just so we could recognize them for what they are.

Paper beats rocks, huh? Well let's see me throwing rock at you and you defending yourself with paper.

I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there is noooo way paper can beat rock! Is paper supposed to magically wrap itself around the rock and leave it immobile? If so why can't paper do this to scissors? why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't there pieces of paper constantly suffocating people as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, cause paper can't beat anything! A rock would tear that pieces in seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors I always pick rock. Then when some claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face and say ‘Oh sorry I thought paper would protect you!

Panic is unadvised, but it is recommended.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

Love me. Love my cat

How can you tell if someone is a compulsive liar, assuming their pants aren't on fire?

Why do boys like smart girls? Opposites attract!

I don't get into fights...I was raised right, I talk about people behind their backs...it's called MANNERS!

I'm not bossy! I just have better ideas.

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

If i'm not back in 5 minutes, wait longer!

this is a list... but i think its funny.

things to do at a walmart.
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.
17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.
18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section andask people where you can find the CDs.
19. Start a fish-stick fight.
20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruf shampoo you recommended.
21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"
22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.
23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."
24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.
25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.
26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.
27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."
28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk".
29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.
30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.
31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.
32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.
33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.
34. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section.
35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid

another list... cause its funny. lol

FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder andthen pretend it wasn't you.
2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15.Swat at flies that don't exist.
16.Tell people that you can see their aura.
17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"
percabethsprincess
percabethsprincess
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Aphrodite
Female Number of posts : 1144
Location : wishing i was at a juicy couture store
Humor : sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down...
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-06-08

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:32 pm

Top 12 Ways to get rid of Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want
to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no
one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica
is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try
to get back to the sell, just continue your problems.
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, Ask them
to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask
them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my
name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on
a second." (Few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what
are you wearing?"
5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and
surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you
BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as
she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from.
6. Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no,
and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the
most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family
and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I
don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood.
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but
necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or
"That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to
marry you.
10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Mantermills."
You: "Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling
from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas."
You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather?
Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well,
see ya."
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!"
and then hang up.
12. Say to the Telemarketer, "Sorry, I can't talk right now but
if you'd just give me your home phone number I'll call you when I'm not
as busy. When they say in a flustered way that they can't give out
their home number say, "Oh, I see...you don't want strangers calling
you at your home! Now you know how I feel."
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by percabethsprincess on Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:46 pm

50 Ways To Annoy people At The Cinema
1.) Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
2.) Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
3.) Clap when the good guy gets killed.
4.) During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
5.) Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
6.) Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
7.) Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
8.) Yell out what is going to happen.
8.) Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
9.) Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
10.) Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
11.) Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
12.) Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
13.) Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
14.) Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
15.) Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
15.) Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)
16.) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
17.) Try to start a wave.
18.) Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
19.) Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
20.) Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
21.) Sing with the theme music.
22.) Bring and use your own air freshener.
23.) At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
24.) Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
25.) Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
26.) Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
27.) Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
28.) Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
29.) Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
30.) Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
31.) When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
32.) Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
33.) Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
34.) Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
35.) Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
36.) Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
37.) Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
38.) Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
39.) Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
40.) Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
41.) Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
42.) Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
43.) Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
44.) Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
45.) Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
46.) Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
47.) Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
48.) Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
49.) Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
50.) Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end
(Just don't do it during Harry Potter :D)


more things to do in a elevator

1) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

2) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

3) MEOW occasionally.
4) SAY -DING at each floor.
5) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

6) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

7) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

8) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

20 ways to maintain a healthy amount of insanity
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. never have a number one!


things to ponder

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?


Boys are like slinkeys. Completely useless, but fun to watch fall
down the stairs.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? who likes lemons?

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that.

Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide

Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.

Money can't buy happiness. it just buys everything you need to acheive it.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

Tell the truth and run.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

A good friend will always bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting ther next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'

ducation is important. School however, is another matter.

i used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.

All right, all right. I, have to tell her the truth, but at least let me wait until the timings right... and thats what deathbeds are for.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

okay i have more... but this is getting boring. lol.
percabethsprincess
percabethsprincess
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Aphrodite
Female Number of posts : 1144
Location : wishing i was at a juicy couture store
Humor : sometimes i like to park my car next to a high way road and point a hair dryer at people to see if they slow down...
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-06-08

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:07 pm

All of those were funny!! laugh
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by Artemisrocks on Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:07 pm

ONLY IN AMERICA...

- Do banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counter

-Do we leave our thousand dollar cars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage

-Do we by hot dogs in packages of 10 and buns in packages of 8

EVER WONDER...
-Why abbreviated is such a long word?
-Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
-Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?
-Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
Artemisrocks
Artemisrocks
Olympian Demigod
Olympian Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 811
Age : 20
Location : Greece(i wish)
Humor : I love my CRAZY,GORGEOUS, LAME FRIENDS!
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2009-10-18

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:54 pm

Haha. The last one made me laugh laugh
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by Artemisrocks on Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:10 pm

thanks here are some more

i love my Crazy, Gorgeous, Lame friends!
Come to the darkside, cuz we have cookies!
(this is one me and my cousin found on her iTouch)Before you die you see the MUFFIN!(weird i know)
Artemisrocks
Artemisrocks
Olympian Demigod
Olympian Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 811
Age : 20
Location : Greece(i wish)
Humor : I love my CRAZY,GORGEOUS, LAME FRIENDS!
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2009-10-18

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:01 pm

An optimist sees the glass half full. A pessimist sees the glass half empty. A realist drinks the water. A mother knows she will have to wash the cup.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by TheSilverHunter on Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:24 pm

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Funny sayings and quotes Cupcak10
TheSilverHunter
TheSilverHunter
Undetermined Demigod
Undetermined Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 208
Humor : WHAAT?! I'm already in Hell...
Reputation : 3
Registration date : 2009-11-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:26 pm

He who laughs last thinks slowest.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by Artemisrocks on Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:34 pm

Friendship is like peeing your pants.Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.

I'm smiling.That alone should scare you.

Best Friends. When you cry, i cry. when you laugh, i laugh. When you jump of a bridge, i'm gonna miss you.

I was gonna take over the world, but i got distracted by something sparkly.
Artemisrocks
Artemisrocks
Olympian Demigod
Olympian Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 811
Age : 20
Location : Greece(i wish)
Humor : I love my CRAZY,GORGEOUS, LAME FRIENDS!
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2009-10-18

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by smoothmoves97 on Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:41 pm

Mom: If all your friends jumped off of a cliff, would you jump with them?
Daughter: Yes... with a bungee cord.
smoothmoves97
smoothmoves97
Big Three Demigod
Big Three Demigod

Imortal Parent : Artemis
Female Number of posts : 2233
Age : 19
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow (the skies are not blue at this moment in time)
Humor : If you see a turtle without its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2010-05-03

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by PJO-geek on Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:24 am

I was at a church concert tonight and the artist told these few things. I thought they were funny.

A priest told an alter server before mass, "When I sing 'And the angel lit the candles,' light the candles." The alter server did well.
During mass, the priest sang, "And the angel lit the candles." Nothing happened.
"And the angels lit the candles." .....
"AND THE ANGELS-"
Then a small voice from the corner sang: "But the cat peed on the matches."

A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Fallopians. (supposed to be Phillipines.)

That's all I have for now. Love smoothmoves97 and percabethprincess' funny sayings and quotes! Hilarious!!!
PJO-geek
PJO-geek
Olympian Demigod
Olympian Demigod

Imortal Parent : Posidon
Female Number of posts : 749
Age : 22
Location : Berk. 12 days North of Hopeless and a few degrees South of Freezing to Death, located solemnly on the Meridian of Misery. XD
Humor : The best art is produced at 3 in the morning. (This is very true! I have proof!! XD)
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2009-10-17

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by riczhang on Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:52 am

The impossible is only determined by the level of intelligence humans.

____________________

President of the Academy of Visual Arts & Pictures and host of the first Profile Picture Awards.

Random Fact of the Month: The Last Olympian has an ISBN number of : 978-142310147-5

Random Fact Quote of the Month:"Heavens no," Amos said. "I hate gnomes, They smell horrible."

Riczhang's Random word of the month: Procure: to get possession of : obtain by particular care and effort
riczhang
riczhang
Staff
Staff

Imortal Parent : Zeus
Male Number of posts : 3996
Age : 23
Location : Blood Tower, Tower of London
Humor : Don't upset the All Seeing eye...
Reputation : 12
Registration date : 2009-04-16

Back to top Go down

Funny sayings and quotes Empty Re: Funny sayings and quotes

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 7 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum